


Where I Go, When I Go There

by spookyscaryaliens



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Depression, How'd you break your arm Evan, Panic Attacks, Sad, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, it's sad y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 03:08:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11774244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyscaryaliens/pseuds/spookyscaryaliens
Summary: "How'd you break your arm Evan? How'd you break your arm?"He needed to breathe.





	Where I Go, When I Go There

**Author's Note:**

> i made another sad fic oops  
> sorry for disappearing for so long too i forgot how to make words make sense 
> 
> also sorry that this is so short??? 
> 
> let me know if you see any typos or anything, and comments are always appreciated!! <3

     A shuddering gasp filled Evan's lungs as he reminded himself to breathe. His face was red, he knew. Tears leaked from his eyes so steadily he barely knew they were there. His hands grasped blindly and roughly at his shirt collar, tugging the fabric away from his neck repeatedly. He was suffocating. The itchy, heavy, painful fabric of his shirt felt like a burning sun forcing itself on his pale skin. The more he yanked it away, the more he choked. He couldn't breathe. He needed to breathe.  
     Another gasp forced its way through his silent sobs. He held his breath when he cried. He would make too much noise otherwise. He made himself lose grip on his shirt. He quickly patted the pocket of his stiff khakis. The crinkling feeling of paper beneath the fabric met his trembling fingers.

  
     Good. It was there.

  
     His vision was getting spotty around the edges. He needed to remember to breathe. His steps were getting shakier. He needed to remember to breathe. The branch was getting thinner. He needed to remember to breathe. His lungs forced themselves open and a hand grasped the branch next to him. His hand, Evan registered. Did he want to do this? Was it okay if he did? He wanted to know. He didn't want to just leave behind a mess for other people to deal with. But he was so tired of being a mess. He was so tired of living out the same schedule every day. He was so tired of just going through the motions. He was so tired of wondering if tomorrow will be better. He was so tired of existing. He needed to remember to breathe. He was so tired of breathing.  
     Evan was so sick of thinking too. He thought too much, Dr. Sherman would chuckle when he'd say that. He was sick of worrying about the future and the present and the past. He was tired of the possibilities and of the memories.

  
_Where I go, when I go there, no more memories anymore._

  
     He would tell himself that when he'd get too overwhelmed thinking about the past. Thinking about his dad. When his mom told him she'd have to get another job to pay for college. When Jared refused to call him a friend for the first time. When he kept forcing himself to breathe.

  
     Not anymore.

  
     He didn't want to breathe.

  
     He didn't need to breathe.

  
     He took a step forward.

  
     And he let go.


End file.
